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What to do if your empty nest won't stay empty

Analaura Luna

Perhaps it’s a side effect of economically turbulent times, but we’re hearing a lot about adult kids returning to live with their parents these days. Nicknamed ‘Boomerang Kids’, these adult children are moving back in with Mum and Dad again, often throwing their parents’ well-laid plans – and finances – into turmoil. While it’s natural for you to want to help your kids out in times of need, you have to remember that your kids have their entire working lifetime in front of them and that you’ve already done the hard yards to get to where you are today, so you need to make sure you protect your interests while you’re helping them out.

In some Australian suburbs, the proportion of adult kids living in the family home is as high as 71 per cent, and as the 2007 AMP/NATSEM report on the cost of raising children revealed, this is a trend that’s costing parents a small fortune – according to the report it costs low-income parents $260 a week, middle-income parents $367 a week and high-income parents a whopping $555 a week to support a child aged 18-24. These costs are based on food, utilities, education and transport expenses and are resulting in longer working lives or a lower retirement lifestyle for Mum and Dad.

Thankfully, your finances don’t have to take a major hit if your adult children want to keep living at home. In fact, if you can all work together as adults, there’s absolutely no reason why this arrangement can’t be financially beneficial for everyone – but there are some things you’ll need to do to make it happen.

Change your relationship
If this is going to succeed you have to stop thinking like a parent – as a parent you’re going to want to cut your kids some financial slack, but this is not going to do them any favours. Instead, you need to think of your child as an adult tenant living in your home – they need to pay their way and become responsible for themselves financially or they’re never going to be able to become independent. And you need to stop doing everything for them! You don’t exist to be a slave to your adult child – you need to make sure that they do their share around the house, so create a roster for household tasks and make sure they do their bit.

Break it down
You need to sit down together and work through the household budget to decide exactly what proportion of each expense everyone will be responsible for covering. Your kids should – at the very least – be contributing toward the cost of groceries and other consumables, chipping in for utilities, covering the costs of their phone calls and paying ‘rent’ for their living space. Exactly how much you charge them for these costs is up to you but remember that the end goal of parenting is to raise independent adults, so make it realistic.

No free rides
Even if your adult ‘tenant’ is currently unemployed or studying full-time, resist the urge to give them a free ride – giving them a break now is not going to make it easier for them in the future, it’s just going to make them less likely to be able to cope with responsibility later in life. Do them a favour and be firm – remember, your role as a parent is to support your children until they become adults, not after.

Share and share alike
Don’t be afraid to share your own financial information with your adult child. Many kids have no idea how much money their parents have and will just assume that you have ‘enough’ and that they don’t need to worry about it. Giving them a realistic picture of your financial situation – and the added pressure that supporting another adult brings – is likely to make them more interested in making the effort to help out.

There’s no reason why parents and adult children can’t share a home successfully – and having your children around after they’ve stopped being teenagers and you can actually enjoy spending time with them can be truly delightful. Just make sure that everyone knows the ground rules and agrees to abide by them and promise to be totally honest with each other about where things stand financially. And remember, they’re bound to leave home eventually!

If you liked this article you might also be interested in these other articles about families and money:

Teaching kids about good money management

Preparing to move out of home for the first time

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Tags: adult kids living at home, boomerang kids, household budget, money management advice

Author's Biography

Analaura Luna is an author, wealth adviser and founder of Your Family Your Money. Your Family Your Money’s goal is to simplify traditionally complex financial strategies, demystify financial jargon and debunk common financial myths, becoming every family’s first stop for financial advice, information and inspiration