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Bringing the romance back into your finances

Analaura Luna:

Let’s face it: ‘Darling, your bank account or mine?’ really isn’t a very romantic question. Somewhere along the way, without knowing quite why or how, we pick up the idea that romance and money just don’t mix. You’ve found your common interests, talked about whether you want kids, laid out all your hopes and dreams and worn your heart on your sleeve, but a conversation about how you’re going to manage your finances just doesn’t fit into your plans for the perfect candlelit dinner. That’s okay – it’s one of those common hang-ups most of us have to deal with. But if you’re planning on turning that dinner into a long-term relationship then a frank conversation about money matters is worth a hundred heart-shaped boxes of chocolates.

If you’re planning on getting married – or even just living together – you need to sit down and sort out how you’re going to manage your finances as a single household, and stop living like single people sharing a house. Without this conversation you’re asking for trouble. Each year PayPal conducts a ‘Can’t Buy Me Love’ survey to uncover the things that are likely to cause problems in relationships. Money comes out in front every time, with over 30 per cent of Australians confessing to having arguments about finances, and the current financial turmoil is only putting more strain on people’s finances – and their love lives. Getting your financial goals aligned and keeping them that way is one of the best ways of maintaining a happy, long-term relationship.

So how do you go about it? The first thing to do is grit your teeth and be honest about your financial situation. When it comes to unpaid debts and overspending you can’t just hide the bodies and hope for the best: these are the kinds of things that end up producing a very unromantic stink. If you have this conversation early, you’ll both know exactly where you stand as you start your life together, and the only nasty surprises will be the discovery that she hogs the doona and he won’t do the washing up.

Once you know where you are, you should figure out where you want to go. Consider this the practical side of a ‘hopes and dreams’ discussion. Whether you’ve got your heart set on having three kids or buying a holiday home on the beach (or both – why not have it all?), you’re going to need a financial battle plan. Decide how much you need to save to reach your dreams and put that amount aside as a regular expense along with the rent and your bills. Working this ‘expense’ into your budgeting plan is a good way to keep you on the path to achieving your goals.

Before you sit back and relax there are some important questions you still need to answer. Does it make sense for you to pool your funds in a joint bank account or would you be better off maintaining separate bank accounts? The latter option is increasingly popular these days, but there’s also a third possibility: you can both contribute funds to a joint account to cover household expenses and savings and keep separate accounts to pay for personal luxuries. That way you won’t be tempted to hide your purchases from your partner or feel guilty every time you pull out your wallet: that money in it is yours and you have the freedom to indulge a few little vices without blowing the family budget.

Whatever you decide to do, the most important part is that you make your money management decisions together and find compromises that suit you both. If you make major financial decisions without consulting your partner you’ll probably end up dealing with some well-deserved resentment and mistrust. You might think you’ve come up with the best financial strategy possible, but talk it over before you set any wheels in motion – it’s possible that your partner will hate the idea, but on the other hand they might love it and have suggestions to make it even better. Like all aspects of a relationship working out your financial strategy requires trust, understanding and communication – lots of it. Managing your money together might not sound very romantic, but finding a plan that suits you both can make the course of true love run a little bit smoother.

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Tags: couples money planning advice, relationships and money, money management, budgeting

Author's Biography

Analaura Luna is an author, wealth adviser and founder of Your Family Your Money. Your Family Your Money’s goal is to simplify traditionally complex financial strategies, demystify financial jargon and debunk common financial myths, becoming every family’s first stop for financial advice, information and inspiration.